A long, slow journey to a cringy ending

"Star Trek: The Motion Picture" was corny when it was released in 1979, and it has not gotten any better with time. Nothing woke.

The eye-rolling is largely in the last few minutes of an otherwise bloated and boring attempt to outdo the space psychedelia of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Maybe my large 4K OLED just wasn't up to the task, but I was feeling neither awed nor entertained. I watched the director's edition, which tightens up the pacing and makes other improvements, but it's like trying to polish a turd.

V'ger is horny, but thankfully not woke. Could you imagine if this movie were done today? Ilia: "The Decker unit is too white, male, and straight. V'ger chooses to 'join' with the black lesbian unit."

The use of Star Trek: The Next Generation’s theme feels jarring. I’m kidding, of course; TMP had it first, but let's be honest, that theme totally belongs to TNG now. I remember having the reverse feeling in 1987 when TNG premiered with the TMP theme song.

I love Star Trek. In fact, The Wrath of Khan is my favorite film. So it is with great sorrow that I cast The Motion Picture to the depths, never to be watched again by me.