The Fantastic 4: First Steps

They even botched being a family.

Thunderbirds, retro-futuristic aesthetics are on point. Though it looks atrociously non-functional, especially the robot. And the fashion. We never should have stopped dressing like this, especially the women.
I'm pretty sure it's full of Easter eggs for the true fans. Which I am not, but many details look a bit forced, like they could be there for the true believers. The rocket is named Excelsior; I got this one. I think.

The Thing's head is weird, so is his voice; Human Torch is emasculated, so is Pascal; he's living proof of the existence of a third sex at this point. Clearly not male, but not female either. And then there's the all-too Visible Mary Sue. And the ever-present black female authority figures.
As with other recent movies, this one bears a lot of small, discreet scars; weird hiccups or suspicious danglings at the end of a scene. Feels like the brunt of the woke ended up on the cutting room floor.


And then there's Shalla-bal. Always thought it was a place, thanks to Satriani. But I knew it had to do with the surfing alien. Why a female surfer, and why butt-ugly (tits-ugly too)? Because current year.
Seriously, VFX have dropped off a cliff in the last 10 years. Same for many tech fields, really.

The emphasis is mostly on visuals there: Thing and Torch are wearing their watches left-handed, which is good for the symetry of the composition in one scene, but they act clearly right-handed. Form over substance details, everywhere. See the surfing scenes.

Pet peeve: they clearly show the baby being upside up at the end of pregnancy, and nobody cares. And there's far worse regarding the handling of the baby. Crap, Torch clearly is the most thoughtful among the four. And Richards is a moron's idea of a pathologically intelligent man.

There is some good in that movie, in unexpected ways. But they botched the expected, easy ways to shine. They made a sort-of-maybe-nice-if-you-don't-think-too-much movie where great was within easy reach.

The overall script is shallow, and (I think) they purged what woke they could in the last minutes, because (surprise) it's not bankable, leaving a pretty, polished but empty and direction-less shell.

Meh. The curse of the Fantastic Four.