NoWo's Reviews
Surprisingly accurate for a voluntarily modern vision.
This is not a serious movie; and yet, it gets so many details right, or closer to right than most movies this century. The armour, weaponry, costumes are (most of them) pretty much coherent with 14th century Europe. Not historically perfect, some details modernised, but nothing is jarringly bad.
The movie does bend the timeline a little, but the pervasive Chaucer in-jokes make up for it.
By modern vision, I do in no way the fabled "modern audience"; I mean translating (some) events or costumes into modern culture.
The movie opens with the peasantry singing Queen's We Will Rock You at a tournament.
Though obviously anachronistic, it does, to my mind, convey the overall feeling. Tournaments, jousting in particular, was a cross between pro wrestling and drag racing at the time. Big show.
So yeah, Queen.
Love the bloke turning donuts with his horse.
The cast is brilliant, to the last. Bettany is simply fantastic as an over-the-top Chaucer. Ledger was on his way to greatness. Tudy is Tudyk. Addy is at his best. Sewell is perpetually under-rated.
As for political agenda, I find none.
Yeah, female blacksmith. It did happen. Widow to a tradesman (as in this movie), cause one has to eat, or tradesman with no son, cause trade is precious. In both cases, they would help enough to pick up some skills.
Armourer, though, might be pushing it; there are (rare) historical examples, but the actress just looks on the smallish side.
Ah well, it fits with the rest.
All in all, a surprisingly good and endearing movie.
Created: 06-18-2026
Stylish albeit flawed.
The title says it all: some characters are going to run a Spanish Prisoner; it being the early archetype of the Nigerian prince scam, as described in the 19th century by French criminologist (and criminal) Vidocq (yes, he actually existed).
The setup is usually more interesting as the pay-off, but in this case, the latter is creative. This one is a psychological thriller, not a flashy heist flick, which won't be to everyone's taste.
Martin is quite able of carrying a non-comedic role here; the rest of the cast is adequate, although, to my opinion, the dialogues sound a tad contrived, as does the plot, on occasion. Especially the main character, he seems lacking in either common sense or basic survival instinct.
Of note, a (short) appearance by Ed O'Neill, fresh off Married With Children.
Alas, the cinematography lacks a strong tonal direction, and costumes & sets seem stuck in hesitation between contemporary and post-war.
As for ideology, this is from the before time, so, none.
Overall enjoyable if somewhat stiff.
Created: 06-13-2026
Star Wars rip-off with styrofoam costumes.
Well, technically, Masters always was a Conan rip-off.
When Milius shot his (Conan) movie, some bone-headed executives ordered some toys to tie in with the movie release. Cause it was for kids, a comic adaptation. In their defense, Marvel did have a Conan comic running, except for a more adult crowd.
Anyway, movie comes out, Milius has renounced the skull-headed Tulsa Doom because too expensive, and well, not exactly kid-friendly.
A good chunk of money had already been sunk into the toys by then, and they order a rush job of a cartoon tie-in.
Hence He-Man. Fighting robotic enemies, so, no blood. There. Kids.
This movie is a hot mess. Swords and sandals in current USA (because budget), with Cylons cloned from Darth Vader. Everything looks tragically cheap: sets, costumes, visual effects, even the camera work. The acting is consistently camp, but in a bad way, and ranges from amateurish to 80s ham.
I mean, Cox always was cute, but it just is not enough. Same with Lundgren. He's buff, not cute, but same idea.
The music sounds 'inspired' by the Superman movies. Except for some Jimi Hendrix.
In a nutshell, not even a good watch with the kids.
Created: 06-12-2026
Undoubtedly competent.
Nothing to say, which is actually praise these days.
The movie is surprisingly well shot, with scene appropriate colour grading, ie: not the pervasive teal/orange Hollywood barf I expected, and decent pacing despite the length.
Most actors put the work in: Urban, despite not being able to fight, McNamee provides a very decent Sonya, and Lawson's Kano is pure Jovial Evil, Chaotic Evil's funny cousin.
Asano and Sanada are wasted in that kind of movies, but they're probably not wealthy enough to easily turn down a Hollywood paycheck.
The fights are frequent, well executed, and in the vein of the games (for what little I know).
No social commentary, and no race-swapping. Except maybe Jade, I sort of figured she was Brazilian or something. The motion-capture model, not the character. At least she should have some hair.
Well, it was all a pixelated mess.
Then again, there never was a redhead in MK; that would have been the real test.
All in all, not a fantastic movie, but it does Mortal Kombat, and it does it well.
Created: 06-12-2026
Even the Japanese have been infected; impressive and boring.
Saw a few episodes, my youngest is still a pokemon fan. I seem to remember pokemon is typical Japanese short-hand for pocket monster, but let's not.
Visually very impressive, very short and incredibly bland episodes.
Woke notch because of wonderful black girl, stupid white man.
Heck, took a minute to check, Ai, who voices black girl, is mixed-race, because representation thingy is important, but Okuno, who voices white guy, well, check the pictures below, Japanese good ol boy (bloke was in Shogun!), representation out the window as usual.
It seems even more intentional as one considers that hafus are pretty rare and (/ because) not all well-accepted in Japan, especially when the non-Japanese parent is not Asian or white either.
Well, Ai's father is apparently Lebanese, which is black enough (ie, rest of the world to the Japanese), and well, black hafus are rare even in fiction.
Created: 05-06-2026
Almost
Applies to both Hurley and Fraser. Great sense of comedy. Average acting chops. Works great in a less serious movie.
Also, Hurley is unbearably hot. Fraser probably is too.
The skits are good, decently executed, though hobbled by a disappointing production value. Looks unpolished. And a somewhat predictable overall arc.
To be fair, I find Ramis (Spengler from Ghostbusters) as a director to be hit or miss, and this one definitely is not on par with Groundhog Day.
The sex relationship angle would just not fly in today's Hollywood. Which is a good thing. For the movie, not for Hollywood, let'em crash.
So, basically negative on the woke scale, only mildly funny, but utterly likable leads.
Created: 03-20-2026
Modern trad-con bastardisation
First, I find the Princess-bride narrative device of Dickens telling a story to his kids actively obnoxious. It's overdone, it disrupts the flow of the story, and the boy and cat are simply insufferable.
Speaking of, the wife is the epitome of the modern trad-con wet dream: the behind-each-great-man cliche, power-behind-the throne type, all authority with no discernible responsibility.
Feminism with a demure coat of paint.
Dickens is pictured as a bumbling idiot saved by his wife, a victim of bullying by his whole family, cat included. Actually disgraceful. And disgusting.
Facts: Dickens had a litter of kids, a superior intellect, did write a children's book about Jesus, was a pretty hard man by today's standards, and so was his (first) wife (he never remarried really, such were the times).
Also, anachronisms. From the get-go: a story of 2000 years ago. Right. Dickens was mid 19th century, people still knew how to count then.
The scriptural part of the movie lacks accuracy. Playing fast and loose with Dickens' life is one thing, but with the Good Book is less forgivable. My kids kept interrupting with "That's not how it goes in the Bible".
Historical accuracy, well, decided to sleep in that day. Lazy, shody research.
At least the minimalist rendering of the Cena, the Last Supper, was a welcome departure from the usual Da Vinci-esque extravaganza.
I wanted to like this one. But it's a lot of work.
I understand the will to appeal to the younger ones, but show them Zeffirelli's Jesus of Nazareth instead, and explain that which needs explaining.
Created: 03-09-2026
Money grab. Modern audience.
Money grab from the people behind the first installment.
Considering the recent trend to make money, sorry, to turn the woke down in order to appeal to normal people, I guess this is what they consider middle-of-the-road.
May they keep standing in the middle, and get run over.
Fox (male) is neutered, Bunny (female) is modern.
So man stupid, cowardly push-over, and butt of every slapstick violence joke. Woman self-righteous, pushy, ungrateful and unable to empathize.
Script is cookie-cutter, photography is excellent, nice little background gags, discourse is heavy-handed.
At least, it was educational to my youngest: "Why does he bother with her?"
Yup, raising him right.
Created: 03-05-2026
It's just brilliant
Damon in his best role in a long time, Bale at his usual top, Mangold clearly knows how to direct (haven't seen the latest Indy cash grab, though).
Balfe should probably be known for more than Outlander, though. She clearly holds her own.
The car scenes are pure joy if one is mechanically inclined, and the music, well, I'm an old fart, so yeah.
What can I say? It's petrolhead porn, and it's all good.
Created: 02-04-2026
Mediocre movie, full of female pandering
Temu Pixar.
Luca did everything better. Except the Hispanic ethnic bits, which Coco did _way_ better.
To think they had to pull up 3 post-disaster Pixar second-stringers for this.
The best bit was the Sagan monologue at the end. Not an endorsement, they just bought the audio clip.
Edit: current head of Pixar confirmed the movie was slated to be gayer, but they scrubbed it because money.
Missed a big spot. About 90 minutes long.
Created: 02-04-2026
