Trash-Ass Gay Propaganda

Oh my god, where do I begin?? After watching this absolute dumpster fire of a movie, I emailed Amazon (my favorite company btw) and asked for a refund for the 99 cents I paid for the rental. I don't know what it was, but something about the title character made me feel so confused. Every time that Sam appeared on screen, I had the uncontrollable urge to kiss him right on his thin little mustache. My lust was uncontrollable. At one point, my Mom (she's my roommate, I don't live with my mom, lol) walked in on me kissing the TV and threw a chancla at me. This is definitely liberal propaganda designed to induce feelings of homosexuality in unassuming viewers. Even after I finished the movie, I can't stop dreaming about Sam. In the night, I feel the fibers of his straw hat gently rubbing against my cheek, and it makes me fucking sick. If there was a number below zero, that's what I'd rate this soy-pilled piece of shit.