Woke r' Not

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Review by Gabe Kaminsky

“The Prom” is what happens when Hollywood elites stereotypically attempt to characterize small-town America. It stars Meryl Streep, Nicole Kidman, James Corden, Kerry Washington, and Keegan-Michael Key.

As Federalist staff writer Tristan Justice chronicled upon its release, “The Prom” is essentially about Christian homophobes in Edgewater, Indiana who cancel the high school prom due to a lesbian student who wants to go with another girl. The entire town ridicules her to no end and the film becomes a corny attempt to label everyone not from urban America as outdated and immoral. Justice characterizes the foremost problem with “The Prom” below:

…[T]he film takes the challenges to the extreme by amplifying a select minority of people present in every community. This raises the homophobic hysteria to the point where it’s hard to take the production very seriously. The abject vilification of ordinary people living in a small midwestern town, meanwhile, only serves to further divide a culturally polarized country.
Given its propagandizing goal intent on communicating that we should never trust our neighbors because they all probably “hate” gay people, “The Prom” is a huge woke flop that we all knew would be nominated given its A-list cast and $300 million deal with Netflix. It demonizes conservatives, or just people not from urban vacuums, as universally awful people.

Score: 0

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Created: 07-22-2022

Wokeness 5/5
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Overall 1/5
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Review By Gabe Kaminsky

Sorkin’s third directorial movie is based on a group of leftist activists charged in 1969 for inciting a riot at the 1968 Democratic National Convention. Abbie Hoffman was a leader in the “Flower Power” movement of the ’60s, and a drug dealer who would eventually hide from police after being charged for selling cocaine in 1974. Bobby Seale, the co-founder of the militant Black Panther Party, is characterized as a hero.

There are obvious implied messages in “The Trial of the Chicago 7” that detract from its entertainment value. Police are all “pigs” who supposedly attack the rioters first, Republicans are careless and abusive of shared freedoms, and hippies were moral citizens regardless of their frequent violent outbursts.

As Kyle Smith notes in National Review, “The combination of cutesy one-liners and Sorkin’s looming over everything like the giant head of Al Capone in the backdrop of the poster of The Untouchables tends to undercut the alleged drama.” Among the perpetual attempt to communicate aphorisms about the role of government and anachronistic depictions of the supposed righteousness of Hippie-culture in the face of public civility, the film becomes aggravating to watch.”

Score: 0

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Created: 07-22-2022

Wokeness 5/5
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Overall 0/5
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We all know Brie Larson sucks.

Perhaps the only character in the MCU to live in a microcosm, Captain Marvel performed less than expected in her 2019 debut. Essentially a Mary Sue character played by the insufferable and pretentious Brie Larson, Captain Marvel was a victim of its own talking points, and its main star’s embarrassing behavior.

Captain Marvel’s own woke agenda wasn’t even clever enough to disguise itself. It’s as fake as Larson, and the 90s-era timeline it takes place in. Everything feels manufactured and forced, in contrast to previous MCU titles that felt effortless and invigorating. The result is that Disney now has no faith in the Captain Marvel character, even going so far as to preemptively name their upcoming sequel “The Marvels.”

Slade Hale

Score: 0

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Created: 07-22-2022

Wokeness 5/5
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Overall 0/5
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Just… if you don’t know, just…

Birds of Prey should be hated for one reason, and one reason only – it derailed the success of the excellent 2021 Suicide Squad film. If ever there was a poster child for wokeness, this was it, and it didn’t resonate either with female, or male moviegoers. At best, it made back its budget, or fell slightly short.

Amidst the obvious “all men are rapists/misogynists/idiots” theme that permeates Hollywood culture these days, Birds of Prey had the temerity to give a shout-out to extreme-radical Communist politician Bernie Sanders, a man who advocates for a 90% corporate tax rate, honeymooned in the Soviet Union, and said bread-lines were a “good thing.”

Slade Hale

Score: 0

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Created: 07-22-2022

Wokeness 5/5
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Overall 0/5
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Racist crap. Hard pass.

The makers of 2020’s Mortal Kombat adaptation were fully invested in the idea that an R-rating and some brutal fatalities would draw audiences in. As such, staple elements like a solid plot, character development, and adherence to the source material were considered unnecessary. After all, it’s Mortal Kombat.

Then there was Cole, a character written specifically for the movie, who nobody wanted, and felt like a stand-in. The reasoning behind the decision was to find an excuse to knock fan favorite character Johnny Cage out of the film, because he was white. The film nabbed a paltry, laughable $83 million as a result.

Slade Hale

Score: 0

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Created: 07-22-2022

Wokeness 5/5
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Overall 0/5
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Remakes suck

The latest chapter in the Men in Black franchise will probably be its last, thanks largely to the formulaic woke elements that comprise the bulk of the story. Essentially, International is little more than an excuse to shoehorn – at gunpoint – male and female genders into two respective categories, with separate criteria.

Namely, the men are all morons, and the women succeed simply because they’re breathing. Remove all the humor, miscast the male lead, and try to ride the coattails of brand recognition, and the result is a film that managed to claw back its own budget…barely.

Slade Hale

Score: 0

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Created: 07-22-2022

Wokeness 3/5
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Overall 2/5
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Is this the death of Bond?

In truth, No Time To Die is less woke than audiences first thought, but that doesn’t mean wokeness didn’t have a part in its downfall. Any 007 film delayed for so many years was bound to test fan patience, but the cast and crew decided to pick at the open wound with divisive, highly charged rhetoric.

Eventually, it became obvious that the filmmakers were out to neuter Bond for the sake of the fractional woke minority, and it didn’t play well. Bond’s womanizing, bad boy behavior is tied inseparably to his charisma. Remove one, and the other goes with it. As of today, the film has grossed $661 million worldwide, which sounds like a lot, if not for the fact that it needed to gross at least $900 million to break even.

Slade Hale

Score: 0

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Created: 07-22-2022

Wokeness 5/5
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Overall 0/5
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How to ruin a great franchise, 101

There was a time when Elizabeth Banks was a relatively likeable actress, but she’s since denigrated herself into toxic unpalatability. It’s no surprise that her directorial duties on 2019’s Charlie’s Angels reboot ended in complete, abject disaster. You’d be hard-pressed to find one person within a ten block neighborhood that remembers it.

A Charlie’s Angels film that has the audacity to scold the audience for referring to the leads as “Angels” obviously has an agenda to keep. That, combined with a horrid marketing campaign, which sounded like it was drafted by Hillary Clinton herself, proved that this take on the classic series wasn’t going to win any support.

Slade Hale

Score: 0

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Created: 07-22-2022

Wokeness 5/5
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Overall 0/5
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Let’s a pretend this doesn’t exist

It wouldn’t be worth mentioning woke killjoys without including Rian Johnson’s universally panned Star Wars: The Last Jedi. Not only did the film go down as the second-worst Star Wars film in history next to The Rise of Skywalker, but it lacked anything resembling a plot, or even forethought.

As a result, fans were left scratching their heads over the swiss cheese narrative, while squirming in discomfort over the woke specter hovering over the story. The elastic finally snapped with the introduction of Vice-Admiral Amilyn Holdo, a cookie cutter third-wave feminist cutout, who spent her entire time emasculating the only intelligent male in the room.

Slade Hale

Score: -1

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Created: 07-22-2022

Wokeness 5/5
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Overall 0/5
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Rapey bitch story

The DCEU is essentially a series of mini-franchises cobbled together into a single Justice League narrative, and one of them is Wonder Woman. Most moviegoers loved the first film, primarily due to the fact that Gal Gadot’s heroine was not only strong, but also kind-hearted, romantic, and maternal – all things the Left despise in a woman.

It’s no wonder then, that Wonder Woman 1984 decided to go in the opposite direction. Wonder Woman goes from a likeable superhero to a woke caricature within the span of the introduction. She even rapes an innocent man (literally) in the middle act, which seemed to fly just fine with Hollywood.

Slade Hale

Score: 0

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Created: 07-22-2022

Wokeness 5/5
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Overall 0/5
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Don’t bother

It could be argued that the so/so success of the recent Ghostbusters: Afterlife is directly attributed to the God-awful 2016 reboot, helmed by the insufferable Paul Feig. The decision to swap genders and make the Ghostbusters female (with Chris Hemsworth as a non-intelligent version of Annie Potts’ Janine character) was the first mistake.

For a film this woke, the jokes should have been funny, but fans would have found more humor by drinking razor blades. This, combined with Leslie Jones’ unacceptable attacks on fans was enough to critically derail the film. Conversely, Afterlife grossed $166 million against a $52 million dollar budget, but would probably have fared better, if not for this monkey wrench.

Slade Hale

Score: 4

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Created: 07-22-2022

Wokeness 5/5
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Overall 0/5
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Don’t waste your time.

In the aftermath of the masterpiece that was Terminator 2, the titular franchise by James Cameron never succeeded in duplicating its own success. However, all progress ground to a screeching halt with the super-woke Terminator: Dark Fate, which came straight off of Hollywood’s modernized assembly line.

The decision to off John Connor in the first five minutes, and replace him with a super-petite Mary Sue was just the beginning of the film’s woes. Radical eye-rolling feminism was everywhere, completely derailing the magic created by the first two films. Since Dark Fate was meant to be a direct sequel to Terminator 2, it was insult to injury, and flopped as a result.

Slide Hale

Score: 0

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Created: 07-22-2022

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