NoWo's Reviews
Atrocious, lazy cash grab, even without the woke.
A committee of gen-Y liberal arts majors (so, a few millions worth in student debt) used a Chinese AI to extract visuals from the games, and fed print-outs to a troop of monkeys. And from the collective, collected, fermented poop emerged the script for this one.
That’s my version anyway.
They (whoever they are) lost any piece even remotely worthy of interest from the games’ writing. No back-story, no plot, no nothing.
The biggest offense probably being Roland. I mean, it’s not rocket science: name is Roland, class is Soldier. This character’s concept is obviously Paladin.
Roland from the games is this calm, collected man whose strong moral compass provides a counterpoint in a fun but nihilistic universe.
Here, we get Hart. So, hyper-active, try-hard, unfunny. At least they got the colour right. Then again, they never get that hue wrong, do they.
The rest of the cast is a trip down memory lane. I’m old enough to remember when Gershon was hot. And Blanchett was hot. And Curtis was a scorcher. Yeah, that old.
Here, they just look jaded and old. And boring. Welcome to Geriatric Park.
As opposed to the rest of the cast, who are downright aggravating.
As for woke: no direct preaching at least, just an all girl-boss cast, swapping all males out (Krieg and Roland are very secondary), dumbing everything down (I guess that’s to be inclusive).
All the good stuff that stands in the way of a good script.
Also, counter-woke element: for once, the red-head (Lilith) doesn't turn into a black woman at casting. Eat your heart out, MJ.
Trying to find some positive: I think I heard a few bars of Muse’s Supermassive Black Hole as background music at some point.
Nice.
And Motörhead later on.
Cool. Worth 1 point.
Created: 08-30-2024
It's a sequel
And as such, it fails to capture the quirkiness and poetry of the first installment.
It's by no means a bad movie, just not very good.
Regarding the main preoccupation on this site: one can clearly see the mount points for wokeness that were hastily disarmed.
There is no lesbian arc as such, but the possibility is very real, and the politically-oriented (intellectually challenged) fanfic writers will probably attempt a righteous rally on the hill Disney chose not to die on.
That is actually my feeling after watching this movie: Disney has capitulated. It cannot afford to finance --the message-- anymore, and one can almost see the contours of the empty spaces left by the hasty removal of boss girl, butch girl, quota-hire girl, and stupid white male.
It is a sad state of affairs for Disney when almost-apolitical mediocrity is a huge improvement.
I wish them a death mostly free of pain. Also, quick if possible, but that I wish for my own benefit.
Created: 08-22-2024
Fun Ryan Reynolds vehicle
Let's be honest, Reynolds carries the whole movie here. Main role, credited among producers, and a firm named "Maximum Effort" involved in production.
The other actors are quite adequate, they just don't outshine the star.
Waititi is quite good as a villain: he's callous, arrogant and loud-mouthed. Oh wait, he's not acting.
The inclusion of real-world internet celebrities was maybe not the best move, as they don't translate so well to the big screen. Then again, what do I know, especially about them?
It's fun, it's colourful, it's well-paced, and it's very Reynolds-y. Sort of goody-two-shoes Deadpool.
I did tick the woke elements box, as the movie does tick some woke talking points, mostly as throw-away lines, probably intended to throw the mentally-challenged a few bones while not irking normal people.
The movie itself clearly does not toe the party line; all the good guys are white, while the main antagonist and his de facto crony are both they/thems of colour.
Not that I care, but it will probably ruffle feathers among the 81 millions. Those in actual current existence, that is.
Created: 07-21-2024
Very loosely based on the comics
This movie recycles the name and some of the visual trappings of the original, but certainly not the tone.
It does have a charm and a consistency of its own, though, and make for decent entertainment, despite a weaker third act.
Comedy is good, acting is decent, although Rupert Everett was a superior (in all but name) Dylan in Dellamorte dellamore.
Created: 07-21-2024
Decent actors in unambitious sci-fi
does not make a good movie.
Action scenes are so-so, script is highly predictable, photography lacks tonal direction or unity. Except for most people being beautiful. Old-times Hollywood.
1995 MTV culture is the root of woke. White male characters are all shades of weak, although in charge and dictatorial. The heroic resistance looks like a Benetton ad.
Nothing explicitely said, though. Such were the times.
Created: 07-20-2024
Real history nuggets drowned in woke sludge
The time-lapse of the Battle of the Somme is nice.
The women pining white feathers on men (young or otherwise) to try and shame them into joining the senseless slaughter of WW1 is accurate. And excusable, considering how, at the time, women showed great courage and prowess, and themselves joined the armed forces by the billions. Sarcasm on my part, obviously.
The rest has all the accuracy of an English general quoting Patton in 1914. Yup, this happens, within the first half hour.
Good actors, expensive production, tepid result. Except maybe for Rasputin. Portrayed 1/3 drunken master, 2/3 sex-crazed maniac. And it does get better in the final third.
Also, Gemma Arterton, still alluring, well in her forties. But girlboss.
In every scene she's in, girlboss as far as the eye can see.
Created: 07-19-2024
The curse of the try-hard sequel
Desperately tries to recapture the first installment's enthusiasm, but turns the cultural archetypes into a gimmick.
Can't resist a jab a "men keeping superior women down", and a US president on the right wing as portrayed by the left, ie: quite close to actual left-wing dictators, really.
Also, Pedro Pascal. Aside from his personal convictions (I use the word in the loosest sense), this man (again, loosest sense) keeps being cast for confident, manly characters, whereas his whole demeanour reeks of a need for approval. Very offputting.
Funny thing, Egerton has voiced a gorilla playing Elton John, has played with Elton John in this movie (not sure they have actually met or needed to during shooting, though), and moved on to play Elton John in the biopic.
At this point, he might want to try on oversized glasses.
Created: 07-19-2024
Over-the-top, irreverencious Bond
Classical Bond formula, updated with modern visuals, and all the dials turned up to 11: more action, more gadgets, more British flair.
Firth and Strong are, as usual, brilliantly solid actors, and Egerton manages to not be overshadowed by his elders, which in itself is quite the feat.
Shallow but greatly enjoyable.
Created: 07-19-2024
Somehow charming
Cheap creature feature with a lot more appeal than it should.
It has Australia outback land sharks, Kevin Bacon, Fred Ward (Remo Williams!).
One could argue the Gummer spouses were meant as caricatures of Right-wing survivalist, but they come off as so terminally bad-arse that they return (Burt at least) in each and every (not so necessary) sequel.
Created: 07-18-2024
The usual Nolan
Nolan movie, so, out-of-order narration, gorgeous cinematography, impeccable acting.
No spoilers, but this movie follows scrupulously the outline a a magic trick as exposed in the opening sequence, ie: the Pledge, the Turn and finally the Prestige, all the while using common magic ploys, mostly misdirection. Because magic has to appear mundane before it turns extraordinary. The Pledge. The Turn.
And as in any good trick, the method is obvious, if one doesn't look at the flourishes. But where would the fun in that be?
Are the final twists creative or unexpectable? No. Because magic loses its magic once the trick is known. The ending would have rocked my socks as a kid in an '80s novel. Not anymore.
Is it a brilliant movie? Yes. The Turn is fantastically crafted.
And it has David Bowie.
Created: 07-14-2024
