All User Reviews

Accurate and disapointing

They could have pilfered more of the fantastic Busiek run of Conan in the early 00s. They should have, really. The movie is acceptably well shot despite a drab colour palette - think Conan Exiles deserts -, but dragged down by an unclear script.

Also, the acting is tepid at best.
Momoa does a great job; he's in his 30s at the time, and wants a career. He doesn't want to end up pastiching himself in a stupid videogame movie. Seriously, he's physical, charismatic, novel- and comic-accurate, and works his arse off to carry the whole thing.
Howard (the kid actor) actually does alright. So does Anozie. He's over the top, pushing very hard into the Nigerian accent (he's a Londoner), but he meshes well with Momoa.
Taghmaoui has a long history of outstanding acting, but sadly a paltry career to show for it.

Nichols is cute as a button - that's an understatement -, but at her limits as an actress. McGowan is perfect as basically a violent psychopath, but her character is off rhythm most of the time; I blame the script, but the result is a miss for me.

Perlman is atrocious; he's mostly reprising his Quest For Fire performance. He dies, but after leaving a bad first impression. Lang is a weak actor with a strong physique. Never seen Avatar, but he was equally awful in House of David (how he got in there is a mystery).

Action scenes are good, mostly relying on Momoa. Well, it would be stupid not to.

The movie manages to score a woke point, because white man means bad and vice versa. Not forced diversity, the world of original Conan is a patchwork of real History, but damn German director, and their industrial-grade white man guilt.

The biggest problem is obviously the Milius, 1982 movie. It has many issues, but it is bloody epic, especially the opening.
This iteration is aggressively tepid, and suffers hugely from the comparison. It breathes but never roars. It never sounds its barbaric yawp over the rooftops of anything.

One more missed opportunity in a long string for Momoa.

Mickey 17 is just as subtle as Trump

I mean, I'm by no means a fan of the orange man, but do we need to create unfunny parody films with the absolute douche Mark Ruffalo leading the charge? Do we need a movie to tell me how to think? How about one with yet another, tooth-gapped mixed couple happy and in love? I give up. This movie is absolute Hollywood cringe at its finest.

What a terrible movie. There is some of the usual DEI casting choices and feminist characters. Every single character is unlikable and
annoying. They attempt to portray the daughter as the only 'good' character but she's really just the typical brainwashed stupid leftist.
The acting is all over the place, the story and dialog is nonsense. Despite being listed as both comedy and horror there is nothing funny
or horror about it. The VFX are about on par with a DTV 90's movie. The unicorns in particular are laugh out loud terrible every time you
see them.

Consistent with game weirdness (aka Woke)

Incest talk in the vault is consistent with the games pointing out the weirdness of life in the vaults.
"Trans" actress (born female) plays Dane in the Brotherhood of Steel and is referred to accurately as SHE (even though the actress is "nonbinary"). A biological female playing a female in the story (even if she isn't very feminine, still a SHE in the show).
Questioning of morals, values, and social norms is on par with the games as the fundamental nature of a post-apoc "society" (or lack of).
Bad guys are all white men. Good guys are all women or minorities.
Ultimately the show is a call for communist revolution and capitalism is the ultimate evil.

Angry Astrid is a real B####H

Astrid has always been a strong aggressive person, but she is now a mean, bullying, bitter, and angry at Hiccup's "entitlement".
Shoe-horning in the diverse "vikings" is super cringe and blatantly an effort to DEI the movie (even with the pathetic reasoning).
My 8 yr old wanted to go home and immediately watch the original animated, to which is definitively proclaimed "the original is so much better".

Characters were boring or outright unlikeable. Major moments were lost. Magic of the original wasn't carried. Most of which because of woke DEI priorities in various scenes.

Back half of the movie was much better than the first half (much more true to the original movie) in hopes you will forget the woke train wreck that was the first half.

So, one post says it's woke with no reason why. I really enjoyed the movie. The character, Eva Maccaro was well cast. Yeah, a little over the top, when this 125lb woman get's slammed to the ground, knocked through walls and windows, and quickly recovers. But what do you expect? It's a John Wick movie. Loved seeing Winston, Charon and John Wick.

And you thought Conan the Destroyer was bad...

Badly written, badly shot - I don't remember a good movie by Fleischer -, badly edited. This looks like a knockoff Hercules/Xena crossover by Temu's Sim Roimi. And lower budget SFX.
With worse fight scenes. Bloody crap, nobody in this movie has any experience with a sword. Except maybe the kid. He kicks like TKD.

Schwarzenegger plays Kalidor, because the rights to Conan were too expensive, and is probably the only actor in this. Limited screen time, though, cause budget I guess.
Nielsen debuts in this movie. She's one tall bird and easy to look at, but she can't act a dog's fart. And every scene with Arnolt is a duel of akksents. Her physique does not make up for her lack of skill: she barely looks fit, and moves like a monkey with arthritis. The She-Devil with a Club Foot. Her stunt/action double is so obviously a man, it's painful.


Bergman was a fantastic Valeria in the first Conan, but she acts barely better than Nielsen. Same for Thorsen. Or Smith. Except for being a smashing Valeria, obviously.


A piece of 80s anti-feminism: Sonja "hates men", but fails to be strong and independent.


A par for the course movie: the first Conan was a fluke, the franchise has been consistently abused in cinema.
Oh well, the upcoming Red Sonja is shaping up to be even worse.

Escape From The Evil Dead Into the Fog Of Dawn

Rodriguez directs as usual: frantic, balls to the wall, no apology rowdy fun. Cartoonish, really, from the guy who had both the balls and the talent to adapt Sin City.
He proposes here a luxurious B-movie, gloriously shot with (then) modern means, and oodles of know-how.
There's a scratch-free version on the other DVD; as much a I find guitar relicing ridiculous, this movie without the artificial analogue artifacts looks to me about as legit as a clean 4x4.

McGowan I knew only from her (atrocious) participation in Conan (the new one, not the good one). She works pretty well in her jaded character. Or she was already wilting inside. From what little I know, she got the short end of the stick, big time.

Willis never was a serious actor. Good, but always tongue-in-cheek. He fits right in. And, OK, he's done some drama also. He's just likable. Despite all the shite he's spewed recently.
Biehn is good as usual. Spoiler, he dies, as usual. (Freddy) Rodriguez I found lackluster.
Fahey is hardly recognizable; Savini is there, because Rodriguez. Ditto for Parks. Ferguson and Shelton play mostly eye-candy. Shelton was quite good albeit incommensurately less hot in Matlock, 30 years later.


This won't win any awards because it's not that kind of movie. But I sure had a good time.

Don't know what movie Ben was watching. The girl was cuntish? seriously?
The first movie was 'gritty'? Daniel, in the first movie, couldn't punch his way out of a paper bag. This karate kid had some serious skills as did his opponent. Good story line though not original.
I guess Ben's a delicate flower who's easily offended.

What has happened to M. Connelly's stories?

I've read every Michael Connelly novel and short story. Most of them at least twice. There's no apparent agenda in any of his written works, or even the movies, such as Blood Work, and The Lincoln Lawyer. The TV series have been getting progressively worse. In Ballard, the story starts up when Rene is in Cold Cases. That's book 5 in the series. That's too bad. There are some great stories in Rene's night shift times. Maggie Q does a great job of portraying the character from the book. Her supporting actors in her ragtag group of volunteers do a great job. The wokeness became apparent a couple of episodes in. A strong, masculine character was revealed to be married to another man. In following episodes, he became more apparent. Also, Rene was attacked in her sleep by a combat-trained bad guy. He's an ex-cop working for cartels. He's bigger, stronger, trained in fighting, and has the advantage of starting the attack by strangling her while she's sleeping. She still bests him, lethally. Connelly stories are great material. It's depressing to see the agenda ruin the show. The character in the book got by with her patience, wisdom, determination, and intelligence.

Very lopsided, much too long.

4 parts, 4 directors, not all of equal worth, unfortunately.
The first act is weak and juvenile; the second barely better. But it gets good with Rodriguez and Tarantino.
Tarantino's piece is pretty experimental, honestly, but it works.


The whole piece is reminescent of Italian or French cinema of the 70s, complete with the gross over-acting and the uncertain pacing.
It works for Banderas and Tarantino, a lot less for Roth and the other actors/actresses. Possibly because his act is a lot more cartoonish.

Speaking of actresses, it may be nostalgia talking, but leading ladies of the 90s were a lot more lady-like. Be it Beals, Tomita, Golino, Tomei, or even Madonna (it's an old movie), they look a lot better than current-day actresses. Or simply more feminine. Well, not Tomei, it's the role, not her. But her deadpan is just brilliant. Griffin was ugly early on; she's in her 30s there, already look into her 60s. Talk about precocious. Still trying to learn comedy, though. Or acting.

This movie is basically Rodriguez-Tarantino double feature, feel free to skip the first 40 minutes or so. This then makes an average 1 hour movie.

It’s fine

No wokeness in the film itself