All User Reviews

and roll a natural 1

Well, not really, the movie isn't that bad. But it's definitely a miss.

On the plus side, it's a pure, genre-mashing product of the early 90s. Same vein as Shadowrun, Torg, or even Roger Rabbit.
It shows no qualms in savagely mixing two sets of conventions, here noir and 'magic' (I'll get to that later).

Always a pleasure to see Ward, because Remo Williams and Tremors. Not the best of actors, but he really comes off as a genial chap.
I've always held Brown as hugely under-used, and he definitely is here. I understand he's a big voice actor, but the Kurgan should not have been the high point of his in-person career. Oh, well.
In my opinion, Moore made a living of coasting by on her physique; same as her Temu knock-off, Chastain. They just don't do it for me. Jessica Rabbit was far better.
The rest of the cast are C-listers, some better than others, Walker and O'Connor being surprise stand-outs.


Now for issues.
First, the movie can't decide on a tone. The light-hearted noir is down pat, no argument.
But the magic part can't quite decide between Xanth-like played-for-fun magic, and eldritch horror (_many_ Lovecraft references, beginning with the protagonist).
Both can be mixed (Ghostbusters!), but it does require a deft touch, which is sorely lacking here.

Then comes the money. And no lack thereof. This was shot for TV, and for (apparently) 6 millions in 1990. That's movie money. Not big movie, but still.
Campbell's direction is adequate (he's done better since), but can't hide the cheap.
The photography is hideously flat, the colour palettes are not noir, they're just drab, and the costumes!
People and cars are all swell, but the various monsters, spells and creatures are barely on the level of dirt-cheap, product-placing Japanese sentai shows. Go go rubber Ranger. Although _that_ would make for a funny commercial.
Frankly, it's so bad it's distracting. The gargoyle is just plain sabotage. The mythos elders from beyond the stars are truly indescribable, though. I simply cannot describe the horror.

The script is very average, but it's mostly a vehicle for world-building, or more precisely showing off the quirks of the movie's world, so, OK.


All in all, I'm torn between a 60 and a 40% mark.
I'll go with 60% because I like the high concept, and some of the actors.
If you don't share my tastes, make it 40%, call it a miss and watch something else. It's just not good enough.

The only woke is maybe some DEI casting in secondary characters, but race is never mentioned or made an issue so I just can't bring
myself to give it a woke rating. This was a surprise find I had never heard of and just stumbled across. Surviving WWII vet travels alone
to France for the 70th anniversary of D-Day. There are some very funny scenes and lines and a really great performance by Caine in particular
but really everyone involved. There is also a lot of very real looks at veteran trauma and grief both past and present after coming home from
service. Based on a true story this can be hilarious laugh out loud one minute and very sad the next. Absolutely excellent movie.

Doesn't really hold up so well as back in the day. This was supposed to be the big break out action movie for The Rock and it's a decent watch although not as good as I remember when I first saw it. He's still young and not yet become the loudmouth douche political pawn he his today.
The acting is decent and most of the FX are good save for some shoddy cgi scenes, but it is 2008 so still not too bad. There are some
funny scenes and the action is over the top, loud and cartoonish. It's probably more of a 3.5 really but I rounded it up to 4. As for
woke, well it's the usual evil rich white man taking advantage of the good noble natives and the leader of the rebellion is female. Walken plays a good over the top villain and there are a few preachy scenes but nothing too bad in my opinion. If you've never seen it before and watching it for the first time the woke score probably goes up and the movie score goes down.

One of my absolute favorites

It's not perfect, but in my eyes it is. Stands the test of time, so far. Great cast, great one liners and worth repeat watches.

Results of "science fiction movies I might have missed"

I came across No Blade of Grass by searching for science fiction movies I might have missed and this is one hell of a miss. On one hand, the story is well enough to keep you engaged, minus the occasional psychedelic turn, gang of English Easy Riders and absolutely rotten theme song. On the other, it's kind of lazy and dated: montage of pollution stock video and of dead animals, mediocre acting and the plot inevitably winds down to kind of a crawl.

And No Blade of Grass is "Anti-Woke" in its portrayal of subservient women and all powerful, all knowing men in the film. They go hog-wild on that and it gets a little cringe after a while.

What did I miss? It's not a classic, but it'll do. I'm happy I stuck around past the opening theme song.

Nothing woke. A thief gets trapped in a small town after a botched robbery with his drunk bumbling partner and hijacks an extremely dysfunctional couple while trying to figure a way to escape. This is not your tradition family friendly Christmas movie but it is a hilarious one.
It's very 90's but it holds up well. Great performances and humor just don't expect a happy hallmark movie.

Un-original, even in its wokeness.

Admitedly, I haven't set foot in Norway in a long while. But I don't remember it as being quite that diverse. The crowds, not the characters with lines. But women everywhere in public office, that part is accurate.

The rest (white men) are retarded.

Main character is a nordic, loud-mouthed boss bitch with a colossal sense of her own importance.
The only one in the room who can recognize footprints.
By the way, the prints, close up, are fairly small compared to the beast's size. 150 feet, and the character does say 50 meters. Big ambitions, tiny bugdet, I guess. Creature's nowhere that tall.

Nature shots are gorgeous. That's free. But well shot.

Comamndo guy looks gay, Dad's a loony, G-man looks oddly Indian. The father-daughter chemistry feels off to me (or maybe I'm lucky with me wee lass). The only (short) scene that did not feel contrived was the guys bonding over Call of Duty.

Script is Jurassic-zilla with a Scandinavian skin.
How does one apply fire to offset regeneration if their skin is stone? Why are their tongues organic? Why do they have tails? Wait, that one is normal.
Whatever, I just want my XP.

Same level of stupidity too: no real-life military would deploy infantry against anything that big. And possibly not organic. Big boy, big toy. Bunker buster, baby, cause there's no kill like overkill.
So yeah, _that_ kind of movie. Commando guy whips out his 416 after seeing the troll tank an artillery volley unscathed.
Godzilla or Cloverfield did it better, with a creature so vast that it defied modern weaponry. Then again, budget.


As for anti-Christianity: it's a staple of Nordic mythos that the pre-Christian creatures are not compatible with the new religion. Same as the Fay of Brittany. But trolls that can "smell the blood of a Christian man" go pretty far back in the folk tales, and are not a modern attack on Christians.
There's a definite 'eco' undertone, though, despite a jab at 'Greta'.

All in all, I don't think this movie is actively woke. It's passively woke, basically what 'acceptable' culture is to 'normal' people over there. Maybe even what the director / producers _think_ people want.
Yeah. That far gone.
Then again, it's from the guy who gifted us A-cup Tomb Raider (which I haven't seen), so maybe I'm wrong, and it's his attempt to placate normal people.


Also, it is rather mediocre.
Won't watch the sequel.

A must-see if you love rom-coms!

It's been ages since there's been a movie like this. A simple premise with the single, solid aim of entertaining people and giving everyone a great time.

Highly recommended!

Enjoy!

P.S.: ⚠SMALL SPOILER AHEAD ⚠
There’s a small part where they talk about what one of the “husbands” did while he was waiting for her. They mention that the guy tried going out with another man once and had a couple of weird dates, but it comes off as a joke that could’ve been thrown in at any time. Other than that, the movie stays solid.

What did you expect?

From the get-go, Anderson let's it all hang out. And late 20s Anderson is sexy as sin.
Also, Word Up. The Gun cover, but it's still good. The music's the best part of the movie. Except the porno-sax parts.

The movie is basically Mad Maxablanca with boobs. Boobs on Boggie. Disturbing. Not sure it's comics-accurate, but who's read this?

Funny thing, America is ravaged by (un)civil strife in ... 2017.
Reality was less fun.
Then again, the 'safe' dollar is Canadian, so, sci-fi.
Also, Casablanca made sense to escape from Europe at the time. But trying to sneak into Canada? Isn't the border on the huge side?

Anderson is hardly inside her costumes. Not a thespian by any means, but she fits the role. She goes through the action parts a lot better than expected.
Morrison is just out of Once Were Warriors, but hey, bills are bills.
Rowell is (not) out of The Young & The Restless. Over 800 episodes. Impressive until one learns there are over 13k episodes. Anyway, not quite talented, but gorgeous.
Berkeley is a solid actor, doing a solid job.
Kier is, well, Kier. Has been all his life, so he's good at it.

The photography is surprisingly acceptable, albeit on the darker side, and the whole thing is rather well paced. Hogan does have a gazillion music videos to his name, so there's that.

No agenda that I could see. For those screaming Nazi imagery! Well, Casablanca rip-off, so Nazi rip-off.
Common sense rip-off.

It has some fun lines ("Pleasure doing business with you" "If it was pleasure, I'd charge more."), charismatic actors, a decent script, good music, good photo.


I rate it a solid 60% as a second-screener (technically third screen, but let us not nitpick).
As a main watch? It's a safe (but not for work) double-bill with Street Fighter, I guess.

Let's not compare, because it doesn't

I would have rated this lower, but there has been so few comedies of late. And movies without an agenda. And it has Weird Al.

Neeson somehow stopped aging at 50 - he's still doing action flicks - but he's in the low seventies I think; same as Nielsen during his tenure.
He does his best, but lacks Nielsen's natural, goofy, self-aware comedic charm.

Anderson, well, looks Neeson's age, and never was much of an actress to begin with. Except maybe Barb Wire. Ah, time goes by.

The whole movie feels more like a 90s uninspired spoof movie (Kingsman in this case), with the only tangible link to Police Squad and The Naked Gun being the end credits.
Don't miss the end credits.
And go watch the originals. Which probably means go to your living room, but you get the point. And old ZAZ stuff.

Slasher chases modern teens into a gay bar

Please stop. Every God damn film. We have a typical slasher-type film which kind of has been rehashed since the dawn of time, but a bit of predictability is far better than when they jammed a homosexual love affair into the middle of the film, out of left field.

Clown in a Cornfield isn't funny, but it's got cringe down. A sheriff who does whatever the hell he wants to do, adult townies that clearly hate these modern, agenda driven teenagers and their new fangled ideas and, naturally, a gay love affair between the pretty boy and redneck. By the end of the film, it's devolved into a blathering rant of woke ideology from the "old generation" about Mother Earth and cat videos.

I feel the need to stop watching films from the 70's and 80's to get a modern woke-r-not perspective, but there's so much of this shit, it makes my head ache.

It was a laugh when the kids try to use a rotary phone. That was silly!

Burning ruin of rationality because of Wokeness

Environmentalism is still a large part of the film’s narrative, so is the biased assumption of skin color and morality as Quaritch once brought up, and even a pregnant alien female takes part in the battle that is very irresponsible just for a show of feminism, that and other instances of feminist “warrior” culture.

Paganism is plenty in this movie. Aside from deifying the environment as some sort of God that hates humans, it emphasizes the message of following your path in faith that is a displacement of the message that God determines our paths out of goodness. On top of that, the “goddess” of Pandora is made to be a manifestation of nature against mankind. It also pushes transhumanism in the transformation of Spyder to become a Pandora native.