Kurt Hansen's Reviews
Avocado or Clam Dip. Are you marinading me?
These cannibal women are super weird. The movie takes a ton of sideways smacks at the women's liberation movement and the N.O.W. back in the day. Wow! Remember them? Hey. They're still around, eating granola and not shaving.
Anyhow, there's not much to say about Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death. It often borders on cringe but the movie is lighthearted enough for us to forgive them for it. Men are not food stuffs.
Created: 11-24-2025
Had to find my bearings after starting this film
Now I remember. I started and may have even finished Terrifier and might not have even seen the second film in the series. It was kind of kooky film, but for some reason, I never categorically finished any of the Terrifier films, quite possibly because Jenna Kanell who, according to the Internet, is the great socialist, ecofeminist (WTF that is), vegan lesbian, bi-sexual or whatever we have these days actress, sporting the short man-boy haircut.
Even after posting this review, I just couldn't place how or where I knew of Jenna Kanell. I really knew a lot about her, except that she was this big lesbian socialist. Then it hit me. I must have surfed to a non-lesbian related website that featured her and she's downright gorgeous without the awful haircut. Why do that to yourself? Fine if you're a woman who likes women, but we humans kind of enjoy looking nice, right?
Anyhow, I got to the part in Faceless After Dark where Jenna is in the sack with her Asian girl lover. Bluuch. Poor Jenna. Partisan politics stole her beauty. Wait. Aren't socialists inherently ugly? Like they spent 10 years in the gulag? The scene here is pure propaganda since no healthy man will find that a sexy one. Off you go.
Created: 11-24-2025
An emotional downer worth a re-watch
I wanted to re-watch Paris, Texas for a while now since I remembered that I liked the film, but none of the plot. Must have watched it a long time ago. It's an emotional downer, for sure. Not much to be happy about, but a whole lot to think about. Zero films today are made with such subtle - and not so subtle - flaws in their characters and with an ending that's not completely ambiguous. It's a great film that provides enough to think about without falling into the film-school scholar or, worse yet, hipster pontificator, zone. Paris, Texas is worth the re-watch.
Created: 11-24-2025
Hallmark Christmas Love Story in Paris
Every now and then I dig a good Rom Com and I've been caught searching for, "most cringy Rom Coms in the universe" too. They're so sappy and predictable like, "The Kissing Booth" (Parts 1, 2 and 3) or "The Other Zoey" and all these Christmas films. Champagne Problems starts out as a Hallmark Channel movie and, lucky for us, it quickly morphs into a complete full Rom Com with and the bells, whistles and minor contention that goes with it.
If you dislike the predictability, can’t stomach the sappy storyline; if unrealistic happiness and romance makes you want to barf, this film is not for you. I get it. No need to explain it to me, I know Rom Coms are unhealthy.
I wanted to find “Sydney Price” a corporate driven no-nonsense woke woman power character, but she just turns out to be your typical Rom Com lady getting bonked on the head by love when she’s not looking. And there is an 80’s style gay man in the film, but I can’t say they have an agenda with him. I will add to the score in case that offends you.
The little dog was awesome.
Created: 11-21-2025
Wowie. 12M 18S.
12 Minutes, 18 Seconds. That's how long it took me to get physically ill and turn this little gem of a movie right off. I get it. We love who we love says Jerry Springer. And I don't need to see teenage boys making out. I double checked all around and didn't find any mention of the overall gay theme of the movie. Isn't the main character gay? I'm awful sure I witnessed a hot love daydream with him and another boy. Maybe it's just a phase and once he gets super powers, the narrative arc changes. Departing Seniors GTFO.
Created: 11-20-2025
I'm absolutely not ashamed for enjoying this film, Bri-Bri
I like Kevin James and Alan Ritchson and there's absolutely nothing to not like about Playdate. That's my opinion and I say it should be yours too! It's just a silly movie full of great music and Reacher plays his part as Jeff awesome.
Am I left wondering questions about my existence and what it all means in this universe? No. Did the film trail off into an open-ended conversation about Bri-Bri and Jeff's trepidatious relationship? No. Did Bri-Bri have to iron out family issues to become a better man? Well, kind of, actually, but no.
I hope they make a sequel. Hell, they can just call it "Playdate 2" for all I care. The Mama Mafia was classic. Just a fun film with zero ambitions other than being silly and fun.
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Created: 11-17-2025
This is our CGI and AI future
God. This movie is awful. We see in the first few minutes how absolutely terrible the CGI is. Car chases and explosions in the 80's, when we all had to actually blow shit up, were just so awesome. And here's our CGI and AI future: bubblegum chewing "artists" at their computers over Dar Robinson.
And let's spend a majority of the film watching truly distasteful characters. Way too late for the father's redemption the unicorn should have spilled his guts a few seconds after they met. It's not particularly woke, but so funny now that we have evil, disgusting, rich and unlikable characters, they're all white (except the scientist types, I guess).
I can't remember if I like Jenna Ortega. I didn't like the remake of Beetlejuice. She seems alright and the film kind of highlights her, and she's cool enough for that, despite her not being a "pure heart" or whatever, more of an angsty teen. And I liked the St. Vincent song at the end (let's talk woke right there!). I can't recommend this film.
Created: 11-14-2025
Babysittin' kids with a twist
A review on IMDb says Night of the Reaper is best watched as background noise, and I kind of agree. It's quite slow up until a little over the half way point and for some reason, I didn't much care for the youngish actors / actresses (Jessica Clement) in the movie. Don't know why.
I am on a winning streak finding films with unnoticeable or zero qualities of woke these days, without even reaching back to the 70's. None of that here. I mean, the plot isn't bad, it was made well enough; I find Night of the Reaper just not too interesting. I will however, recommend it to watch if you've got nothing better to do.
Created: 11-14-2025
Slow pacing in the last half
Spoiler free. Roofman is a good film. The pacing kind of slows towards the end, and we get a life lesson, albeit a light lesson we likely saw coming. From the looks of it, the movie follows pretty closely to the real life story without injecting any modern nonsense into the story. That's cool. There's quite a long man-butt scene with Channing Tatum. If I looked like Channing Tatum I'd head to the grocery store naked. I think he's a cool-ass actor. Go ahead and watch the film and credits for the film. It turns out to be a slightly feel-good movie, unless of course, you're going to absolutely hold it against Channing for the gun wielding robberies.
Created: 11-13-2025
Maybe watch the middle of the movie
The problem with Heads of State is it starts and end preaching not so subtle liberal virtues and, Jesus, this film is DEI soup.
The middle of the film a fun, explosion-filled, action packed CGI blast fest.
We check every DEI box needing to be hit in the first action packed 5 minutes. Girl Boss is Salt. Like, Angelina Jolie in Salt. Angelina wasn't a girl boss. She was Salt. Noel (Priyanka Chopra Jonas) is the unstoppable girl boss and, yes, she's kind of bossy too. We also have supporting girl boss as the Vice President and Olga the Killer, each with less screen time than Noel. I didn't find them as egregious as they could have been. The bad guys, however are white and evil as can be. Every. Last. One of them. Including the most evil one of them all Stephen Root as the hacker with a flying toasters screensaver. Nice touch.
The adoration of President Will Derringer, silly hats, tattoos and pop culture all screams Trump except Will kind of reminds me of Jimmy Kimmel. It took me a while to get up-to-speed on Will. He is the class clown, laughable and a stupid Internet meme making jokes and screaming at the sky, some might say similar to Trump, until his liberal world views are exposed and we learn to love him in our hearts! He transitions from a MAGA goon to a real human.
And why is the British Prime Minister black? Lazy, stupid, DEI inclusion by dim writers. Could I do better? Yes! How about we make Sam and Will rival professional wrestlers. Sam is Eskimo or Native American. The two have a long and sorted past. Sam hit Will in the head with a folding chair years ago and Will still holds a grudge. That is not inclusion just for the hell of it. That's writing!
In the end, Heads of State almost comes off as a feel good movie, but it's kind of a let down. I want to keep it for a rewatch, but it's preachy and the adrenaline filled fun is always brought down right after by political jabs.
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KiepskiLover-782
• 2 months ago
Created: 11-07-2025
