Kurt Hansen's Reviews
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I love this film. It is one of my favorites.
Created: 11-06-2025
Freddy Krueger calling. Says he already did the swing around stuff.
Damn. Now I have to re-watch the first Black Phone because I can't remember what it was all about. I can't even remember if Gail (Madeleine McGraw) was in the first film and, if she was, did she have the little boy haircut. Why didn't she object to that haircut? No harm. This film has zero, absolutely none that I saw, crazy leftist propaganda in it.
I enjoyed it. Kind of annoyed that they did the whole "Nightmare on Elm Street" dream thing. The film isn't all too original, like it takes pieces from many horror movies, but there's a plot to keep us entertained, blood and a creepy Ethan Hawk.
Black Phone 2 has an evil entity that I really like, you know, there are horror movies where you just hate the evilness running around but this movie, very much like Nightmare on Elm Street, has a bad guy who's cool. Who's up for some Grabbin'! I'm The Grabber! I wasn't hoping for him to win and get out of hell, but I was neutral. If Black Phone 2 monster got out of hell and killed everyone, I'd be cool with that. It does kind of take itself seriously, so that's a minor deduct, but it's a good film all around.
Created: 11-06-2025
If you can survive the Super Cringe
Cringe movies, in this case, where a weak couple from the "city", usually writers or bootlicking leftist socialists (whatever that entails) encounter powerful, evil tricksters that play mind games with them and attack them and make them cry are a tough watch. Think: Dark Night of the Scarecrow or Straw Dogs. Bone Lake is no exception.
I had to fast forward to near the end when the obligatory blood started flowing. We all knew it would. I guess we could consider Alex Roe's character Will a soy boy of sorts, and that contains woke elements, but I think it's part of the plot. I like Maddie Hasson. I can't tell if she's an excellent actress or if audiences like her, I guess, but she's great to look at. As for Bone Lake, Beavis and Butthead jokes aside, I'd skip it.
Created: 11-06-2025
Mild Surprise as with Popeye the Slayer Man
I didn't have much faith going in to Screamboat, but as it turns out, it ain't too bad. Kind of in a Popeye the Slayer Man way. The production and acting are well enough and we can guarantee ourselves the simplest plot of all time.
I'll say that this refresh of Grimm fairytales, etc. like Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey and, I think there's a Bambi one out there too, are running out of steam, but if the producers can just keep these movies on a Screamboat or Popeye the Slayer Man level, they just might have something.
Created: 11-05-2025
No plot. Dubbed from an alien planet. Not terrible.
Everyone reading this review must see this film. It has zero plot. Like, there's millions of things going on: some kind of virus and quarantine, abusive fathers, therapy, zombie weirdos and even bank robbers! None of it makes sense at all and on top of that, the dialog is dubbed direct from the studio.
In Isolation has to be one of the strangest films I've seen in a long time. Reviews on the Internet say it's horrible, but I suspect they can't even get past the dubbed in voices. It's so much more than that. It's not cringe. Not woke. You don't have to think about it or understand what's happening and the plot runs in any direction it wants.
I also liked the soundtrack.
Created: 11-05-2025
Not for me, but really great movie
After finishing the movie Love Birds, somehow I watched Bring Her Back with no intention of watching back-to-back Sally Hawkins films. I do like Sally Hawkins. She is awesome and does a top notch performance in this movie. Actually, it's well acted all around. Spooky and engaging story, despite being overtly mega-bloody at times with a little supernatural sprinkled in.
It seems the first film, "Talk To Me", which I didn't like because I know it was implausible and not very realistic- like, I'm kind of foggy on it, but I remember them wheeling a kid out of the hospital with no problems at all? And, the first film has an in-your-face transgender playing one part or another.
None of that in Bring Her Back. For me, I got a high cringe factor right in the middle of the film, feeling it was just a bit off. Andy was too trusting? Sally's character performs kind of amateur mind tricks on the kids? It just didn't resonate with me.
And the end, spoiler free, I didn't care for. The ending did, however, have one thing going for it: no ambiguity. Today, I think directors choose to leave endings ambiguous so as not to offend the young generation. How can you not like an ending if it's open to interpretation?
Bring Her Back is an excellent film. A little cringe for my taste and maybe a little too bloody. I wonder if it was CGI blood? Likely.
Created: 10-28-2025
Either Rom-Com or NZ Faire
I've not been out of the US since it's all the rage to be all-inclusive and weep uncontrollably at the first sign of indignation. Is New Zealand held up by the DEI crowd? I don't know. Or, maybe regular, non-Lifetime movie rom-coms tend be be less focused on that. Who knows.
Love Birds is a straight-up cisgender rom-com full of all the required cliches that one needs to have in order to qualify as one. Damn cis and their normie families.
Joking aside, Love Birds was a surprise for me. Anyone who likes animals and a simple enough love story sprinkled with a little bit of humor needs to take a time out and watch this movie. It's a cute little love story about Doug and his duck and Holly. There you have it. Check it out.
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Created: 10-24-2025
Not a terrible nod to the first if that's what they were aiming for
So, let's get Taylour Paige out of the way since we can assume she's a kind of DEI role and all. Fortunately, Toxie is green, has red welts and burns all over his face and she is hot. If they paired Dinklage with a big fat 1920's mammy and made his son a twinkle toed ballerina with a sparkle wand, that'd be different. For me, I think Taylour Paige is sexy and she fits the role if there's even a "role" of sidekick to The Toxic Avenger to be had.
The story is straightforward enough. I watched the original as a kid and loved it. Troma films are not that great, with some better than others. Toxie splatters the heads' of bad guys and disembowels them and is treated as a hero. So that's cool. I kind of wish they toned down the CGI. What sad times we live in where artistic blood and guts is squeezed out of all the boiled fish killed by their AI overlords.
The Toxic Avenger Unrated is worth a watch.
Created: 10-23-2025
Not too terrible or much to talk about here.
Could be I'm not 100% invested in these Conjuring people. Not paying full attention to The Conjuring: Last Rites, didn't notice any background liberal mind altering techniques. Isn't that what they want? Subliminal! Any film without two dudes getting it on with each other wins points with me anyhow.
It's a fairly spooky film. I'm trying to watch the franchise; I'd like to at least get a feel for the story and all. Last Rites seems to follow kind of the same plot as the others. If you're looking for a supernatural scare fest, this movie will fit the bill.
Created: 10-21-2025
I'm no investigative sleuth
Those Internet sleuths on Reddit won't have any trouble figuring this thriller out in a few seconds. It reads like a Netflix Lifetime Movie. I'm kind of surprised at the lack of woke propaganda in the movie.
But. We do have to obligatory super duper mixed race couple to deal with. At least they don't hop in the sack or make out and stuff and David Ajala is a cool black dude since he's from England and all that. They kind of dislike each other and keep their distance.
The books I read are usually classics, so I had to ask AI if the original boyfriend was black or green or what, but AI says that is unspecified. AI likes to make everyone happy and joyous, but if that is the case, I guess we have artistic liberty to change stuff around and make the boyfriend black. You know, like all modern films do.
Created: 10-13-2025
