Kurt Hansen's Reviews
I'm going to bump this film a bit
Ok. I get it that Jessica Alba is quite petite compared to the badass dudes she allegedly kicks ass of. Girl Power! I don't know. Is Hollywood pandering to aspiring girl kid assassins? Or, to men that find Jessica super sexy and hot? Or both? The plot is absurd, but the action, albeit unbelievable, is fun. I bet Hollywood is looking to call out those troglodyte males who accidently say that Jessica Alba is one awesome looking woman, forgetting it's Girl Power.
Created: 07-11-2024
Cannibal Trolls and Lesbians Live Together in Harmony
How in the absolute hell can we inject lesbians into a movie about evil Cannibal Trolls? Why would you do that? I got about 20 minutes into the preachy, "Ok, Boomer" speeches about how they too can have kids and, "it was just a kiss" and I'm out of here. Did the movie get better? I'll never know.
Created: 06-26-2024
Hey! I forgot about this one.
I'm going to add a review here just because other reviewers have reminded me that there's some kind of lesbian daughter as the main character and her grandpa won't accept that. And then, I think, "why can't she be dating a terribly ugly man or a dude who stinks because he works on a fishing boat"? A creative movie as such couldn't get their shit together and come up with a better story? I'll give it a 4/5 for wokeness only because I can't remember most of the film. Lucky, I guess.
Created: 06-26-2024
Help Needed from Other Reviewers
Holy Hell. Thank you Michaels. Hard pass on the trans-binary gender identity progressive nonsense. Do people actually watch these movies intentionally? Or is it more like going to the university where they just kind of get you when you're young, crawl in your head and fester.
Let's see. This movie gets fairly good reviews but upon further investigation, I see it's rated PG-13, involves tween kids with the main storyline being that the one girl is a lesbian.
So, I ask if any one of the Woke 'R Not crowd can step up and watch this film for me and kindly report back? That'd be great. It gets good reviews, but I can't just leap into a "PG-13, kid-focused lesbian-driven plot" film from the deep end. Thanks.
Created: 06-17-2024
Got the "ax" in less than 5 minutes.
I'm going to be a huge ass on this one, since I didn't make it through the first 5 minutes of this movie and I'm jumping right to conclusions after watching the lesbians come at me as soon as there was air to breathe.
Here's the line where I hit stop: "This is the straightest thing you've ever done". This might be a 5-star film and I might want to buy the Blu-ray and watch it every night before bed, but I just can't handle propaganda like this.
Created: 06-07-2024
Tarot Trope
In addition to including every single horror movie been there, done that trope in modern history let's also stay the course with a super diverse crowd of tarot players. I think she's dating a black dude. Or the Indian woman has eyes for the guy from those Marvel movies. Whatever. The film is so terribly bad that it just doesn't matter.
Created: 05-29-2024
Agree with Other Reviews
I watched this movie with one eye open, so most of the girl-power and DEI casting escapes me. I'm kind of cool with girl power, though. Like, Death Proof style revenge girl power, despite being a drawn-out, ridiculous movie that Death Proof is. Anyhow, I can see why this film kind of caters to the leftist world. It's not terrible. Creds for writing the awful, "I hate you" bad white guys who I'm happy to see Abagail disembowel into the script. Kudos for that.
Created: 05-19-2024
Kong noise is not woke.
I'm not terribly into these Kong kind of films. It seems that 50% of the movie consists of Kong growling and snarling and stuff. Not much dialog. The movie was fun, though. I nice vacation from anything politically correct, DEI and even most technology.
Created: 05-05-2024
Disgusting Surprise Under the Hood
Once my wife starts a series, she's obligated to finish it and myself, in turn, is abjected into these disgusting, tired plots. It seems this dude hooks up with a tranny, likely not knowing this thing is a tranny. In the end, he's like, "whatever, I dig it". I think I'm too old. Is this how modern men operate? "How cool! You got the same junk under the hood as me!" I know Woke 'r Not isn't the best place to ask, but seriously is this how it works these days? 'cause thinking of jumping in the sack with some dude is kind of not, uh, really my thing (being a dude myself). Can I say that out loud?
Created: 05-05-2024
Throwaway try-to-hard horror movie
Not much too Baghead. No agenda, no plot. It stinks. Best part of the film was when she's told they only have two minutes with Baghead, but she can't seem to even do that correctly. God. This movie even has the crinkly bone monsters too. Does it have a mind of it's own?
Created: 04-09-2024
