Kurt Hansen's Reviews
Klaatu barada nikto
The Day the Earth Stood Still is one of the classic science fiction films of all time. Reviewers have said that in a time of men in monster suits and close-ups of oversized spiders, this film stands out and I agree.
The main flaw I've always felt is that the people of Earth are so dimwitted, arrogant and self-centered that they utterly disregard
Klaatu and Gort, even after they're told Earth will be zapped into oblivion. It somewhat annoys the viewer, but if we take a step back, nothing has really changed in modern times.
And, no. I haven't even watched the remake. What a disgrace. I wonder if they packed it full of woke ideology, though.
Created: 01-06-2026
Slow burn to nowhere.
The film is shit. It's so damn slow. I could care less to even turn subtitles on despite half the dialog being in Russian. It's going for tension, a slow burn that doesn't work in the end. The best part of I.S.S. is the outrageous anti-gravity space fights, but even those are slow probably due to the actual lack of gravity.
And an entire scene devoted to the affairs and relationships of the onboard space marine, ass-kicking, black lesbian. At this point, I'm going to increase the woke score for I.S.S. quite a bit for the only reason that all this nonsense is grating. We got a DEI space floating crew and does Ariana DeBose winning Best Supporting Actress for the remake of West Side Story (a.k.a. Trans Side Story) and being a queer IRL entitle her to demand representation on the I.S.S. or were the filmmakers bound by natural laws to include a queer shipmate? We will never know.
Created: 01-05-2026
One of my absolute favorites
It's not perfect, but in my eyes it is. Stands the test of time, so far. Great cast, great one liners and worth repeat watches.
Created: 12-31-2025
Results of "science fiction movies I might have missed"
I came across No Blade of Grass by searching for science fiction movies I might have missed and this is one hell of a miss. On one hand, the story is well enough to keep you engaged, minus the occasional psychedelic turn, gang of English Easy Riders and absolutely rotten theme song. On the other, it's kind of lazy and dated: montage of pollution stock video and of dead animals, mediocre acting and the plot inevitably winds down to kind of a crawl.
And No Blade of Grass is "Anti-Woke" in its portrayal of subservient women and all powerful, all knowing men in the film. They go hog-wild on that and it gets a little cringe after a while.
What did I miss? It's not a classic, but it'll do. I'm happy I stuck around past the opening theme song.
Created: 12-31-2025
Slasher chases modern teens into a gay bar
Please stop. Every God damn film. We have a typical slasher-type film which kind of has been rehashed since the dawn of time, but a bit of predictability is far better than when they jammed a homosexual love affair into the middle of the film, out of left field.
Clown in a Cornfield isn't funny, but it's got cringe down. A sheriff who does whatever the hell he wants to do, adult townies that clearly hate these modern, agenda driven teenagers and their new fangled ideas and, naturally, a gay love affair between the pretty boy and redneck. By the end of the film, it's devolved into a blathering rant of woke ideology from the "old generation" about Mother Earth and cat videos.
I feel the need to stop watching films from the 70's and 80's to get a modern woke-r-not perspective, but there's so much of this shit, it makes my head ache.
It was a laugh when the kids try to use a rotary phone. That was silly!
Created: 12-30-2025
Kind of fun, bloody, indie horror
The acting actually isn't as terrible as I'd expected and at least The Demon Inside isn't made on a cell phone. The sound quality and lighting isn't amateur and the plot is serviceable. That's really cool. I wish more indie films were made with higher quality equipment and better caliber actors like this one. I even bumped my rating a little higher just for that. Don't expect a lot, but it's worth a watch.
I was surprised to learn that I think these indie films are mostly woke free because they don't have to bow to their corporate overlords for funding and have less need to appeal to everyone and anyone.
... Minor spoilers ...
It's mainly about a dude with a drinking problem who's house is possessed by a demon. He and his wife call upon a group of nutty ghost hunters to try and relieve the home of demons, but that doesn't work. There's a fair amount of blood, no apparent CGI and it's free of any and all woke aspects.
Created: 12-29-2025
Mostly for Markiplier, Dawko and FNAF fans only
It's not a terrible movie and there's zero woke aspects to the film, but the viewer has to be a FNAF fan to truly understand the movie. I know because my wife absolutely loves Five Nights at Freddy's. There's characters in this film that you just won't know or understand if you haven't played the games.
As a casual FNAF player who really hasn't played the 2nd game or others in the franchise, I was quite lost in this PG-13 film. There's not much violence or plot to keep a part-time player interested. However, if you're a fan, this movie is the bomb! Seems like they get the canon right and the characters are spot-on. I'd highly recommend this movie for fans of the game.
Created: 12-24-2025
A tense, dark, somewhat forgotten classic
Kind of a deviation for Roy Scheider of Jaws, Sorcerer is a relatively straightforward kind-of action movie about four fugitives on one crazy mission to deliver unstable dynamite to an exploded oil rig. There's a bit of drama thrown in and the film is tense from beginning to end.
I think everyone agrees that the cinematography, filming and acting is well above anything we see today. One review says the film just couldn't work today since the famous bridge scene would have to be CGI and I agree. The story is a bit disjoined in the beginning, but it all comes together quickly enough.
If you're looking for a break from these modern woke times, put on Sorcerer and enjoy.
Created: 12-23-2025
Magicians with CGI
Since this review is getting hammered for not accounting for Ariana Greenblatt's unrealistic girl ass-kicking, I took another look and have to say maybe I've been too forgiving on the girl action stuff. Plus, Ariana has a one hell of a resume full of ultra-woke films. I'm looking at you, Barbie and Borderlands. So I take it back.
I missed the first two films, likely because I don't dig magic. Like, a magician will use anything they can to trick their audience, including CGI. Just like in this film! Fortunately, my somewhat dislike for magic didn't keep me from watching this. I didn't know anything about the gang, what they did or even that they were actually magicians. Can't say I even heard of the first films in this franchise. Strange.
Now You See Me: Now You Don't is kind of a fun movie and I liked the crazy overarching trickery plot that went on. Woody Harrelson is cool, but I kind of felt bad for him in this movie since it seemed like he didn't really fit the role. Maybe he's running out of opportunities. Jesse Eisenberg isn't my cup of tea, but he fits nicely into the fast talking role he plays, so that's cool.
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Created: 12-22-2025
This film is a confusing mess run by has-beens
Not many films confuse me as much as Killing Mary Sue. The plot is confounding. It's so terribly bad, all over the place, and all the characters are so especially unlikable that my brain is going to melt. A review on IMDb says it's a film full of has-beens and I agree. Worthless has-beens in an unfunny not-so-dark comedy.
I'd say it's woke because Sierra McCormick is a sex-starved BDSM ass kicking bitch, but who the hell cares? She could be riding a unicorn along with a dozen rainbow covered lesbians and it wouldn't make this film any worse.
This film thinks it's subtle and comedic and it's not. It really is a much lower offering then the movie Becky. It's an indie film by filmmakers telling themselves they're the wittiest folks in the room.
I cannot even explain how much I hate this film. It's so bad.
Created: 12-22-2025
