Woke r' Not

Pha-Q woke's Reviews

Wokeness 0/5
Not Woke Very Woke
Overall 2/5
Poor Excellent

Nothing woke. This is a micro budget indie horror movie. My first thought was the acting is terrible but actually it's not so much the acting as the line delivery. It's almost like they used every first take, it's very stilted and awkward. The story is barebones and even though the movie is only 80 minutes long it still feels like it drags on a bit as there's just not enough really happening to fill the runtime. It's a basic demon possession story with nothing really new. The writing is ok and the FX are generally pretty well done except the for maybe the Demon but it has very little screen time so it's not that bad. The sets are really well done with a dirty grimy feel to everything and there are a couple of very creepy disturbing shots though generally I would say it's not that scary. Overall it's watchable if you don't mind the low budget feel and bad line delivery just don't expect a lot out of it.

Score: 1

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Created: 11-04-2025

Wokeness 3/5
Not Woke Very Woke
Overall 1/5
Poor Excellent

It only took about 10 minutes to see how bad this was going to be and I still struggled along to the 40 minute mark. There is DEI way overrepresentation of minorities. Black, Asian, Spanish strong feminist women, this has at least one of each. The small Spanish female 'badass' was well on her way to full girlboss when I gave up. The acting isn't so much bad as the dialog and writing is awful. Nothing makes any sense within any coherent story narrative, characters just show up and we don't know who they are, things just happen that make no sense or are never explained. The whole thing feels like a heist movie parody. Everything is so over the top, silly and just ridiculous. As an example this is the first 10 minutes of the movie-Our group is in the middle of the heist and the movie is setting up the characters, then a car pulls up with a white ginger male, his Columbian wife and their mixed race daughter. The daughter says her dad works there so assuming an employee,
otherwise we have no idea who these people are. The father notices a car that's not supposed to be there and peeks in the back door and sees the robbery. He runs back to the car and tells his wife not to call the police, pulls out a gun and says he's going to rob the thieves. What!? He then gets into a shootout with them grabs the money and tries to escape, with his wife and daughter in the car. Wahlberg's character is apparently superhuman as he has no problem keeping up with a speeding car on foot as it speeds away smashing through fences and onto an active horse racing track to get crashed into by some really bad CG horses. Wahlberg of course follows, keeping up easily. The car then speeding along the track has a horse run up and over the car (not jump, run) hood to trunk while not breaking any windows or denting the car. The car then still speeding along slams into a jockey rocketing him up and over the car just to jump up like nothing happened and get slammed into by a horse that for some reason is chasing the car. I'm not making this up I swear. Wahlberg meanwhile running along in front of hundreds of people and cameras all over the track with his mask pulled down shoots someone then proceeds to pull his mask up over his face. It's so absurdly stupid and dumb it feels like it could of been
a Monty Python movie. This is in the first 10 minutes remember and it doesn't get any better. With an hour and twenty minutes still to go I wasn't wasting any more of my time with this.

Score: 4

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Created: 10-30-2025

Wokeness 1/5
Not Woke Very Woke
Overall 2/5
Poor Excellent

This is a dark horror monster movie version of Bambi. All you really want from this type of movie is a silly fun monster movie. Basically evil corporation dumps toxic waste and mutates the forest creatures into monsters and they are out for revenge. There are 2 main groups here, the family and the hunters. Both groups somehow manage to have their very own token DEI black character. 1 female and 1 male just to get those perfect numbers. The female is of course the usual
aggressive loud nasty feminist type. That's pretty much it for woke. This is basically a slightly higher budget version of a SYFY channel creature feature. The acting is not very good but that to be expected. The CG creatures are a bit hit or miss. some scenes look decent and others really stick out as cheap and almost unfinished. The story is bare bones and does it really matter anyway. Unfortunately it plays it all a little too safe. The deaths are nothing special and some of the are shot so dark you
can't even hardly see anything. The blood and gore FX you get are decent but there's not enough of it for a what's meant to be monster splatter horror movie. It's all just a little too dull and honestly a little boring, even at only 80 minutes long. This would of done better to embrace the absurdity of the premise and go more campy over the top
instead of playing it straight. If you really like monster movies this may be worth a watch.

Score: 0

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Created: 10-27-2025

Wokeness 2/5
Not Woke Very Woke
Overall 1/5
Poor Excellent

I was hoping for a decent little thriller here but nope. The acting is not very good but the scenery and cinematography is very well done.
The writing is again complete trash. We have Thompsons character who is in her mid 60's going out ice fishing in a blizzard alone, in a 2-wheel
drive truck, without snow chains. She's shown in flashbacks to have been doing this for many years so she would have known better. She stumbles
on a kidnapping couple and then gets stranded so decides to go spy and take them on by herself. She proceeds to write a message to the kidnapped girl on a window then rather than wipe it away just leaves it for the kidnapers to see. She is than able to drag her popup fishing house from her truck all the way out to the middle of the frozen lake, assemble it and cut a large hole into the ice in virtually no time at all. Her trap of course works perfectly. The problem is at this point there is no reason for her to expect them to come looking for her. As far as she knows they aren't even aware of her. Half the movie she is stumbling clumsily around and then she is somehow some sort of wilderness survival expert. The kidnapping duo consist of the typical girlboss type, angry aggressive yet smart and capable who is constantly yelling, hitting and belittling the male character. He is of course a complete idiot beta who can't do anything right. About 40 minutes was all I could take of this nonsense.

Score: 3

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Created: 10-27-2025

Wokeness 2/5
Not Woke Very Woke
Overall 2/5
Poor Excellent

The first half of this Australian serial killer movie was great. Good setup and a fairly original serial killer obsessed with sharks. The acting was decent and the only thing a little woke is the boyfriend casting. While he is indeed Australian he is mixed race while the vast majority of Australians are white. The acting was pretty good and the writing was solid with a good setup for the final half. Then it all took a nosedive. The writing took a turn for the worse and the female victim turns into a invincible superhero. So this serial killer whos been getting away with this for years decides to make a spectacle of killing someone in the middle of multiple land masses where a chopper flies by overhead rather than out to sea. The smaller boyfriend gets beat to hell by the much larger killer than overpowers him and almost kills him. The way the boyfriend manages to track them down and find them without any effort is completely implausible. Then there is the Mary Sue female 'victim'. She's the usual strong independent female that doesn't need anyone and can do everything. She can save herself, save her beta mixed
race boyfriend and defeat the huge male serial killer all by her feminist self. It's ridiculous and ruins what started out to be a decent low budget movie. If you watch this make sure you at least watch the grand finale with the shark and the killer. It's probably one of the most unintentionally laugh out loud terrible CG shots I've seen in a while.

Score: 3

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Created: 10-26-2025

Wokeness 1/5
Not Woke Very Woke
Overall 1/5
Poor Excellent

This is a tiny budget film with mostly 2 characters in a limited space. The male's acting is fine while the females is bad. She is the usual nasty, violent, unlikable female character we see so much now. She's not only unlikable shed downright detestable. She's annoying, stupid and acts completely unrealistic given the situation. I kept hoping the male character would bash her over the head and leave her behind. Given the way she is acting any normal person would have done so and he had plenty of opportunities to disarm her and reliever himself of her presence. She is a horrible character who single handedly makes the movie unbearable. That being said the premise here is some sort of alien creature invasion where the 2 characters are trapped in underground tunnels in the dark trying to survive and find their way out. That's pretty much it. This could of been a decent claustrophobic creepy creature feature if not for some odd directing decisions. For one
there is no reason for this to be 100 minutes long. There just isn't enough story or budget for it. This feels like a short film that someone decided to stretch out into a full length movie. The creatures are almost never shown and it's mostly just the male character trying to maintain his sanity while putting up with the loud braindead moron he's been saddled with and stumbling around in the dark. This should of been shortened considerably and put the saved funding into a few more creature shots and it might of been a halfway decent film.

Score: 1

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Created: 10-24-2025

Wokeness 2/5
Not Woke Very Woke
Overall 2/5
Poor Excellent

This is another very female focused movie. All the female characters are portrayed as 'good'. Most of the male characters are either bad or
scrawny beta types. A lot of DEI casting within the police characters. No surprise one of the few decent male characters is black. This started
out decent enough and was fairly interesting if cliché for the first 30 minutes or so then it all started falling apart. The acting is mostly
ok with the exception of the actress playing the Jordan character. She's all over the place, at the beginning she was fine but the further into
the movie it got the worse her acting seemed to get. There is the issue that while her character is fine at the beginning they suddenly made her
very annoying and stupid so they may be a contributing factor to my not liking her acting. The story as I said is nothing new and pretty cliché, we've seen this type of thing many times before and like most modern horror resorts to cheap jump scares and loud noises instead of any real horror. The fx are ok but this is very typical of modern PG-13 horror. Pretty tame and boring overall and really not worth your time.

Score: 0

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Created: 10-24-2025

Wokeness 0/5
Not Woke Very Woke
Overall 3/5
Poor Excellent

I saw nothing woke. I was really looking forward to this and finally got around to watching it. Everything about this movie looks amazing.
The sets, the costumes, the cinematography, the camera work are all incredible. The acting for the most part is also very well done. I think
I think Lilly-Rose Depp is the one weak spot in the movie. Her physical acting is fine, the scenes of her writhing and and having seizers are well
done. However her line delivery is really not very good. She comes off as overacting and fake. Skarsgard as Orlok was also a bit of a letdown for me. I just didn't find him scary or terrifying. I think my biggest problem is this is almost the exact same movie as the 1992 Dracula. However that
film for me is far superior. The entire time I was watching this I just kept picturing the same scenes in Coppola's film as they are virtually the same
film. I know this is a classic story and therefore it will for the most part be unchanged, as it should but than it begs the question of why make it?
I think if you haven't seen Coppola's film you will probably like this more than I did and it is not a bad movie by any means. If nothing else I believe this is still worth a watch for the amazing job that was done with the aesthetics of the film

Score: 0

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Created: 10-23-2025

Wokeness 3/5
Not Woke Very Woke
Overall 2/5
Poor Excellent

I watched this a while ago and forgot to write a review so this will be as best as I can remember from memory.
Pretty far removed from the source material. This is another adaptation where they change so much other than the names it's almost
unrecognizable to the originals. Also a lot of changes were made in order to severely water the story down from a solid R rated
story to a more family friendly PG one. None of the actors really looks at all like they do in the books. Season by season break down-

Season 1 woke-2, overall-4
DEI overrepresentation resulting in mixed race couples and love interests. Ellie has been race swapped to a black mom with a white son.
Acting is mostly good and the story and suspense are excellent although as I said major changes to everything for no real reason, even the
order the keys are found and how they find them are completely different. I would say they changed far more than they kept.
The writing is pretty solid but there are some eye rolling moments of characters making dumb decisions and choices especially toward the
end of the season but generally a decent season even with the annoying unnecessary changes.

Season 2 woke-3, overall-2
Gay uncle with mixed race boyfriend mentions he is moving in and having their gay wedding there. Also Brian has been race swapped to black from white in the comics. A new character is introduced and is lesbian. New female black friend with a white bumbling beta father for the younger character. DEI representation is ramped up a notch. Surprisingly these new characters and agenda just seem to disappear pretty fast and appear to only have been there at the beginning for virtue signaling. Unfortunately a step down from season 1. The new villains are just annoying and not very threatening. The writing in general is pretty bad with weird dialog and lot s of instances of characters doing and saying stupid things and just being much more annoying. Every character seems to display the most annoying facial expressions with Bode in particular being just so damn punchable. Everyone refuses to communicate important information with each other for no reason whatsoever other than to artificially create drama and lengthen the show. The mother is crying just talking about her husband
that was murdered less than a year ago then later in the same episode is swooning and making out with a new guy like a teenager. Characters just
vanish for multiple episodes with no real reason then show up again to deliver a story point for 5 minutes than disappear again.
Everything feels completely different in season 2 like they have new writers and showrunners. The writing and acting feel like a cheesy
WB teen show. Such a hugely disappointing season given how promising the 1st was.

Season 3 woke-4 overall-1
Same woke applies to this season with a little extra. An entire episode is dedicated to the gay wedding with the gay characters then leaving for the entire rest of the season with no point at all other to have a gay wedding in the show. It's a big meaningless virtue signal. A secondary character from earlier in the show is suddenly revealed to be gay and his memories inside his head are a long montage of him being oppressed for being gay and how hard it is for him. Another pointless scene from a secondary barely there character as another empty virtue signal. A little worse than season 2 in quality. A lot of the acting is no longer good. This has to be squarely on the showrunners as the same actors were fine
in season 1. Bode is now one of the stupidest most annoying characters ever....SPOILER.....especially after trying to make him the villain. What a joke as one minute he's easily thrown around by a single person yet they still find him threatening? The actor trying to do menacing and evil is laughably bad and just annoying. There is still the weak writing with characters doing stupid things for no reason but I think the writing is even lazier than last season. Clearly established in season 1 the anywhere key can only be used to travel between 2 doors, if there is no door it doesn't work. However this season with the lazy bad writing it now seems to work with only one door as there is a scene of a door opening to the middle of the desert and another one opening to the middle of the woods. Characters still refuse to communicate information to each other and just leave the keys laying about everywhere instead
of securing them like normal people would do.

Score: 1

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Created: 10-23-2025

Wokeness 5/5
Not Woke Very Woke
Overall 1/5
Poor Excellent

Utter woke garbage. Lead character is bi and has a pointless random lesbian sex scene in an airport bathroom. The lesbian podcaster
is a completely pointless character that serves no purpose to the script other than to get that DEI point. All the cops are corrupt and
bad. Julia makes a statement that nostalgia is overrated and one of the characters says F the 4th of July. The acting is average at best,
the plot makes no sense and can't decide if it wants to be a sequel or a remake. The kills are lame and unoriginal. All the male characters
are either stupid or bad, while the females are smart and good. The OG characters all look bored and much older than they actually are. Speaking of which the originals had the group as teenagers who partied and made a terrible decision after having an accident with someone crossing the road. Here they seem to be in their late 20's early 30's who are actively in the middle of the road in front of cars just being assholes
and cause an accident that kills someone and they still so the wrong thing. These aren't dumb kids they are adults that know better. Skip
this unnecessary woke garbage and watch the originals instead.



Warning spoilers follow...




The character assassination they did with Ray is disgusting and completely against character with who he was in the originals. This entire movie is one big girl power nonsense and they just couldn't have a male be good. The female killer claims she is just a strong empowered woman chasing her destiny. There is literally 1 meaningless throwaway female character death in the entire movie and every single male character is killed. The large muscular men are easily killed with no problem yet the smaller females always manage to fight the killer off and get away.

Score: 2

Comments (4)

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@woke-r-not-official • 8 months ago
Thank you so much for your contributions to the site. Love seeing your reviews!
@kurt-hansen-467 • 8 months ago
Wait a second. I have this on my re-watch list and it looks like I don't remember any of it at all. I know it's an older film, so maybe too many drinks over the years or, more likely, did I shut it off in the first 15 minutes? I got to check this out again.

Created: 10-17-2025

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