All User Reviews

How does something this awful gross almost 1 billion dollars. I only lasted about 40 minutes so the woke may get worse but all I saw was the
obese body positive DEI female who has no problem with athletics. There seems like they were also starting in with the female smart and capable men stupid nonsense but I'm not sure. The FX are actually decent but the acting writing and story are terrible. I'm not sure who this is actually for other than maybe kids it's all so stupid and dumb. Characters just magically know how to do things without being told within the new environment. What year is this supposed to be anyway. Everything looks like it's the 70's, clothes, cars, homes and furniture, but Garrett was the champion in 1989 and that was well in the past. Then there are references to the internet and social media as well as smart phones. It's just really lazy bad writing.

It's decent

You probably won't watch it more than once but it's better than anything the MCU has released in a while. The girl boss thing is there but it's tamed down.

It's not bad

It's the typical 120lbs woman is hard as nails but that's the movie. It's not real but she's not invincible. They actually say she will always be at a disadvantage against men so she should do anything she needs to win. Overall it's worth the watch.

Getting better

Prior to this last season the previous 6 season were crazy woke. Between the LGBT+++, the mental issues and "the people of color", it was more about the players issues than playing the game. This last season, they seemed to be reeling it back a bit.

Social Justice Porn for NPCs: "We support the current thing"

Season 1 was all about BLM vs. Police with prominent points of bashing gender conformity and tradition. Promotion of minorities and women with the degradation of white people. The only good white guys are those who go against all the other white guys. Strongest characters are generally women (and lesbian).

Season 2 was all about illegals/undocumented. Wash-rinse-repeat with "the current thing". It's social justice porn for NPCs.

People can argue this is all Star Wars ever was, but this is 10x worse. (well, maybe not as bad as the last 3 movies)

Good, not great

It's definitely worth the time to watch. The tic on the wokeness meter is due to the typical scenario of a strong boss woman with morals going against an arrogant white dude. Actually, that's a half tic rounded up. It's tolerable. Most of the best parts of the movie are in the trailer. The swimming pool scene was classic. The final showdown against the bad guy was clever. The acting and directing are top tier.

Dystopian Future = Synonymous with Woke

Turns out, the degenerate dystopian future of all because of society devolving into wokeness with wealthy elite controlling them all and vilification of conservative organizations.
Sometimes you cannot hide the truth behind the human nature.

Wokest of Woke isn't an option?

Every single trope.

Smashing movie, mismatch of stolen parts

The character is not Howard's Conan. Conan is strong, but also strong-willed. Cunning. Opportunistic. Free. Primal. Unfettered by civilization.
This version is captured as a child, enslaved and taught in arenas.
The product of higher combat education. The antithesis of Howard's character. Funny tidbit, Stone worked on this script; one can hear the Viet-Nam influence. So ya think you're gonna live forever?

Schwarzenegger was not an actor at the time, even less so a leading man. Yeah, he improved, but he was 'just' a strongman with tons of confidence. I mean, they had to redo the script to minimize his talking parts.
Bergman was not an actress, she was a chorus line dancer; maybe that's where she developed her fantastic physicality. Lopez, well, he was a surfing champion, and a friend of Milius.

Said Milius had the intelligence to mix his newcomers with seasoned actors, chief among them Jones and Von Sydow. Mako, also. The seasoning that sells the meat.

The secret ingredient is the score, though - with all due respect to Mr Jones -.Granted, Poledouris was heavily 'inspired' by Prokofiev. He was in a bind, and the result is amazing, so I deem his sin redeemed.
The score blows an epic wind throughout the movie. The first 20 minutes with barely a word spoken, and finally: "Conan, what is best in life?". Genius. Milius used this scene to sell the producers on the movie.

He never got anywhere close to that again. But he fought pretty hard to make this movie the way it is, so that's praise well deserved.

As a Conan movie, this is mostly a miss. As Heroic Fantasy, it's the dog's bollocks.

Accurate and disapointing

They could have pilfered more of the fantastic Busiek run of Conan in the early 00s. They should have, really. The movie is acceptably well shot despite a drab colour palette - think Conan Exiles deserts -, but dragged down by an unclear script.

Also, the acting is tepid at best.
Momoa does a great job; he's in his 30s at the time, and wants a career. He doesn't want to end up pastiching himself in a stupid videogame movie. Seriously, he's physical, charismatic, novel- and comic-accurate, and works his arse off to carry the whole thing.
Howard (the kid actor) actually does alright. So does Anozie. He's over the top, pushing very hard into the Nigerian accent (he's a Londoner), but he meshes well with Momoa.
Taghmaoui has a long history of outstanding acting, but sadly a paltry career to show for it.

Nichols is cute as a button - that's an understatement -, but at her limits as an actress. McGowan is perfect as basically a violent psychopath, but her character is off rhythm most of the time; I blame the script, but the result is a miss for me.

Perlman is atrocious; he's mostly reprising his Quest For Fire performance. He dies, but after leaving a bad first impression. Lang is a weak actor with a strong physique. Never seen Avatar, but he was equally awful in House of David (how he got in there is a mystery).

Action scenes are good, mostly relying on Momoa. Well, it would be stupid not to.

The movie manages to score a woke point, because white man means bad and vice versa. Not forced diversity, the world of original Conan is a patchwork of real History, but damn German director, and their industrial-grade white man guilt.

The biggest problem is obviously the Milius, 1982 movie. It has many issues, but it is bloody epic, especially the opening.
This iteration is aggressively tepid, and suffers hugely from the comparison. It breathes but never roars. It never sounds its barbaric yawp over the rooftops of anything.

One more missed opportunity in a long string for Momoa.

Mickey 17 is just as subtle as Trump

I mean, I'm by no means a fan of the orange man, but do we need to create unfunny parody films with the absolute douche Mark Ruffalo leading the charge? Do we need a movie to tell me how to think? How about one with yet another, tooth-gapped mixed couple happy and in love? I give up. This movie is absolute Hollywood cringe at its finest.

What a terrible movie. There is some of the usual DEI casting choices and feminist characters. Every single character is unlikable and
annoying. They attempt to portray the daughter as the only 'good' character but she's really just the typical brainwashed stupid leftist.
The acting is all over the place, the story and dialog is nonsense. Despite being listed as both comedy and horror there is nothing funny
or horror about it. The VFX are about on par with a DTV 90's movie. The unicorns in particular are laugh out loud terrible every time you
see them.